On Spirituality

I'm sitting here after having drawn all the muscles of the anterior thigh (writing out their insertions, attachments, actions and innervation), feeling pretty happy with myself but sadly realizing that I've only just scratched the surface of what I need to know for my next anatomy exam. Guess it's time to let off some steam.

NOTE: I will be expressing my views that relate to my own experiences with organized religion. As these views are clearly based on my own experiences and attitude, thus limited, anyone is welcome to disagree.

The concept of spirituality has been on my mind recently, since we've been talking about religion in our Dr./Patient relationship course. We've also been having a lot of conversations about discrimination and that always makes me think about religion - with regards to religious minorities and the discrimination that organized religion can sometimes breed. I'll start by explaining what 'spirituality' means to me, and then see what happens from there.

I believe that spirituality is an inclusive term that applies to all humans in their desperate pursuit to find meaning in a world full of questions. It is a natural response to attempt to answer these deep questions, (what is the purpose of my life? Am I important? What will happen to me when I die?)  and we do it in a number of ways. Commonly spirituality, the desire to answer said questions, is achieved through adherence to a religion. I know that's what kept me going to church until I came to college. I was so terrified to think that my life might have no meaning that I chose to find solace in a community of like-minded individuals who would encourage me to find that meaning, the courage to confront death. It was great, actually. I felt like I was living for truth and justice, that my religion (Christianity, I'm a WASP, I know) was telling me the correct way to live, and if I loved it and followed its teachings with a pure heart I would ultimately be accepted into heaven (the real goal). It worked for a while, but then I stopped going to church and opened my eyes to the world around me.

I'm not claiming I understand how the world works. I really can't understand it. And though I probably sound like a broken record to some, I absolutely must reiterate that I am unbelievably lucky (I might have said 'blessed' at a different point in life) to have all that I have and to be sheltered from the unspeakable things that happen every day in... pretty much everywhere that isn't suburbia. I won't go off about this because I can't do it justice. Nothing compares to seeing it with your own eyes. The only point I'm trying to make here is that once I started traveling to places off the 'vacation-circuit' I started to see that Barrington, IL is not real life.

For one thing, I saw that a person's religious views are almost entirely a result of their upbringing. This may seem like an obvious fact, but it was earth-shattering to the 18 year old white male that I was. Having been taught that Christianity is the ONE TRUE religion, I started to wonder why everyone else would be condemned to Hell, given that they really had no choice in their religion to begin with. I didn't feel comfortable with that fact, and over time I left Christianity. I can't put up with the hate that it generates - not the actual teachings, but various peoples' interpretations of it. This is obviously not the absolute truth for every Christian, but I decided that the root of its dogma (its exclusionary stipulations) generates discrimination and, for me, did more harm than good. It's mind-boggling to think that I used to consider homosexuality a sin, for who am I to decide what is right for other people? I just imagine the opposite, that homosexuality was the majority and there existed a prevailing negative attitude against heterosexuality. It would be a nightmare, to have to deny who I am, so I could never justify telling another person how to live their life.

So, by this point I've left Christianity, but the key point here is that I'm still spiritual. I still harbor the same doubts and fears that I did in high school and I can't think for too long about my inevitable death because it extremely bothers me. My sense of spirituality, this shared human experience, is what connects me to others. It gives me the desire to be honest, friendly and helpful. I have replaced religion with all the things that it used to give me minus all of the rules and close-mindedness. Instead I subscribe to making the world a better place and in doing so I feel like I have reached a better understanding and appreciation for the magnitude of life on earth.

What does this have to do with medicine? It will undoubtedly apply to my future practices, as I confront death, encounter religious discrimination in the hospital, and meet patients of diverse religious backgrounds. I will be called upon to be aware of these differences and be able to act on them to provide the best and most complete care possible. I need to be ready to respect the views of every patient that I see, and though I may not have the same personal preferences as my patients, I had damn well better know how to make them comfortable.

Anyway, there's a lot more to say and I probably didn't articulate my views completely, but I need to go study. Oh yeah, and eat, too.

Peace.